Motherhood Thoughts

I learned early on in life that I would grow up to be a very counter-cultural person. I was always the nerd of the group. I spent most of my childhood climbing trees and reading books. I was never allowed my own phone or to watch rated R movies until I was nearly grown and out of the house. Not that I necessarily wanted too, but I was often made fun of for it. Which of course, made me feel bad at times. Looking back, I'm thankful for boundaries that were in place and having a simple childhood. It wasn't perfect, no life ever is, but it was good.

Now, as a mother, I find some of those old-fashioned philosophies deeply ingrained in my heart. I always feel like the odd duck. I don't quite understand my generation. I don't understand why women post pictures of themselves on the toilet and getting hundreds of praises singing to "raw" and "real" (true story). I will never understand why children are allowed to dress and act like adults and being given access to phones or devices that can strip their innocence in less than a second. I don't understand why modesty and common decency are so flippantly mocked.

I keep thinking of what kind of world my girls will grow up in. I don't mean for this to come from a judge-y attitude. Just genuine concern and confusion.

I want my girls to love simple things. To play outside. To wear pretty dresses or overalls. To be feminine, yet strong. To have words seasoned with grace and kindness. To love books and getting lost in a world of make-believe.

There's enough junk out there. I want to be a filter to the best of my ability, but goodness, some days even going to the grocery store can be daunting (hello unsavory magazines and people with crass speech).

All that to say, I am not perfect. I have so much to learn as a parent (don't we all), but I want so much to be the best mother I can be. Starting with simplicity and setting an even higher standard for my self. It really is an ever-evolving journey, isn't it?

Stress Busters For the Weary Mom

Stress relief is one hot topic for many moms! Over the last few years, I've earned simple stress management tips for our home that have helped me tremendously. I'm sharing not because I've perfected stress busters, but because I've had so many people ask me how I deal with it!

Of course, my tips are coming from my life as a stay at home mom. I know that many working moms have their own stressors (maybe one of you can chime in!).

1) Get Help When my second was born, I constantly battled fatigue and anxiety. That led to even more stress on our little family. There were many other things going on in the background of our lives, but I realized at the beginning of this year, that something needed to give. I realized I needed to talk to my doctor. While being tired and facing anxiety can be normal parts of life, the depth of what I was feeling was NOT normal. My doctor keyed into the fact that I was low on vitamins, and worked out a game plan for me. I followed her instructions, and the constant fatigue went away almost immediately. Which led to less anxiety. Which led to less stress. It's amazing how our bodies work and rely on intricate details! So my first piece of advice, is to get input on WHY you are so stressed. 

2) Set Boundaries This has been the hardest lesson for me. While I love the idea of attending every event and get together we are invited to, I have realized that it's okay to say "no". There are times when we keep our calendar clear and simply spend time together as a family of four. This allows us time to rest, heal, and bond together. This is also important during your daily routines as a stay at home mom. It's easy for nerves to get frazzled on all accounts! We have a set time each day that we reserve for quiet time. The girls get a special snack and show that is reserved specifically for quiet time. That way it's something they look forward to doing. I like to break quiet time into three things for myself: rest for a few minutes, speed clean and read or write. And of course, coffee. ;)

3) Fresh Air It never ceases to amaze me how fresh air can change attitudes. If I notice the girls getting fussy (or lets be honest, myself getting fussy) we will often grab ice pops and head to the front porch. Sometimes, we all jump on the trampoline or the girls play with their toys outside while I read for a bit in the shade. Regardless of what we do, getting outdoors and changing our scenery helps drastically. 

These are the things that have helped me! What steps do you take to keep stress at bay?

Four

One minute, I'm cradling you in my arms, the next you are climbing trees and twirling in your princess dresses. They say that it goes by so quickly, and I'm inclined to agree. It really does!

I'm so proud of the sweet young lady you are becoming. You have such a passion for learning and being with other people. My social butterfly.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank our Lord that I get to be your mommy.

Things to remember: She loves wearing ballet shoes & jelly sandals. Her favorite foods are cheese pizza, peanut butter sandwiches, Nutella sandwiches, and fruit. She really love popsicles and getting "Ice Cream Corns" (yes she says corns instead of cones...I don't want to correct her, it's too cute!). She is obsessed with Unicorns right now! She is still very much a mommy & daddy's girl, Ella is her BFF, and loves to be with her grandparents and cousins. She is such a little mommy, and has such a tender and sensitive heart.

Happy birthday, sweet girl! I love you.

A Mother's Heart

I love watching her grow up. She is full of creativity, and her imagination amazes me.

Actually, I think the whole of motherhood amazes me.

Our hearts get turned inside out on a daily basis as we watch our children grow.

We see those tender moments, we see them make choices: both good and bad. We see their happy moments and sad.

We watch them become the person God created them to be...and I think it may be one of the sweetest gifts of all.

Things I Want To Remember

Whenever I finish reading a book to the girls Ella always says "Amen!" instead of "The End!".

Evie Grace loves to plan out her outfits. She picks out her shirt, skirt, shoes and socks and then lays them out.

They are the best of friends, and while playing, they will often stop what they are doing and say "I Love You!" to each other.

Ella still calls Evie "Sisters" instead of sister. I will cry when she stops saying that.

They love to peek through our fence to see what the neighbors are up too. Sorry neighbors! ;)

Evie Grace will only wear one of two shoes: Either her ballet slippers or her rain boots.

I love being their momma...

My Baby

The other day we were eating breakfast at the table, and I asked Ella, "Are you a big girl, now?"

She smiled, pointed to herself and said, "No, I baby".

Forever my baby you'll be, little one.

What's in My Diaper Bag?

Well, I dusted off the 'ol YouTube, and did a "What's in my diaper bag?" Video. I love these, because it always gives me a glimpse into other people's personality and lives. Maybe I'll make a "What in my purse?" video next. ;)

Also, if you are an Anglophile, you may enjoy my new (and first) Cath Kidston bag!

Happy Wednesday!

And then She was Two!

I remember it like yesterday. Prepping her nursery. It was a tiny room, but perfect for our baby. We painted it green, and Josh hand drew the artwork that hung above her bed. The nursery was bunny themed, and yes, I bought a fluffy, pure white rug. It was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

I think we were all excited to bring her home and be a family of four. Between strict bed rest, multple overnight hospital stays, and a then week stay at the hospital after her birth, we were all ready. So ready to be home.

Look at that little snuggle bug!!!! She was a dream boat baby. Slept through the night by her first month. She napped like a champ. She loved being cuddled!

Where has the time gone, little one?

But, this last picture? It describes our Ella perfectly. The wild hair and a face covered in peanut butter. She's curious and mischievous and oh so ornery. ;) When you tell her "no" she laughs and does it again. And again. She's sweeter than honey and cute as a bug...hence her nickname, Ella Bug.

I love her so much. And now she is TWO.

So Loved

The other day we were getting ready to head off to my parents house. As we walked to the car, Evie Grace pipes up as she climbs into the back seat:

"Momma, you are loved. So, so loved."

Those words are something I have said to the girls since they were born. If there is one thing I want them to know, it is how much they are loved. Not only by their parents, but by our Heavenly Father. And so, I often whisper in their ears that they are "so, so loved".

When we were foster parents, I remember hearing from others about the power of our words to children. They really hear everything that we say, and they take those words to heart. So, yes, hearing her say that to me was priceless. I may mess up many times as a parent, but I hope they know those words are from the depths of my heart. And that they believe them with every fiber of their being.

How deep the Father's love for us

How vast beyond all measure

From One to Two

I love being a mom. I still remember that first pregnancy test, and seeing those two little lines. I was filled with excitement, and whole lott of fear. I mean, there is so much to learn as you become a parent. Life changes quickly, and drastically, and suddenly you don't know as much as you once thought you did. Ha!

When Ella (our second) came along, I had visions of the transition going smoothly. And while there were many good days, we had a lot of rough days. Recovery was much longer, and harder the second time around. Evie was having a hard time adjusting. Top that with your regular 'ol hormones, the craziness of life, and I quickly found myself struggling just to get by.

Now, six months in, I'm still struggling, but I've found that things DO get easier. You do find your groove again. It's not always a cake walk, but it certainly is worth it! I thought I would just share a few things that have helped me as I've transitioned into a mother of two under two...

Give Yourself Grace: This is the most important lesson I've had to learn (and one that I'm still learning!). There will be days that the laundry doesn't get done, and yoga pants will have to do. And that's okay! We are usually our harshest critic. So tell yourself it's ok if everything is not perfect or as it used to be. Eventually, you will find a new routine that works.

Take Time For yourself: In a society that glorifies being busy, we often feel guilty for slowing down and taking time for ourselves. I'm learning that a few minutes to read or a hot shower can do wonders for my attitude. Anytime I feel myself getting overwhelmed, I realize that it's just a matter of taking a step back, re-focusing my energy, and having an old-fashioned time out.

Pray Without Ceasing: I realize that this is a given, but it's worth sharing. Prayer has been the number one tool to help me tackle the crazy days of motherhood. Anxiety? I pray about it. Fear? I pray about it. Uncertainty? I pray about it. It's the most powerful tool we have as Christians. And how much more effective will my role as a mother be if I utilize prayer throughout my day?

All in all, life is still slowly transitioning into a new normal as a family of four. It's not always perfect, but it's ours. And it is good.

Mommy and Me

A storm front was moving in last night, so we headed to the lake before the rain hit. It felt so good outside! Josh snapped a few of these pictueres of Ella, and I. Soaking up her baby days, for sure.

Tot School: The Color Red

This week, Evie got to attend her first Valentine party. She didn't have a clue it was a party, but she certainly enjoyed playing with the kids. ;) The next day, I thought it would be fun to have a "red day" and work on some tot school together.

I've noticed she so curious, and eager to learn these days. Many times I find her pulling board books off the shelf, and studying the pictures. Her main sentence these days are, "What is this?" or "What is that?". I realize she is still so young, but I think a few minutes of "structured" learning wouldn't hurt. I dare say she enjoyed it due to the melt down afterwards (it was nap time). ;)

So for our first round of tot school we learned about the color red. We put on a red dress, ate a red apple, built a tower with red blocks, colored with red crayons, made red crafts, and used red water colors. Then throughout the day, I would point out other red items. It was fun! I'm ready to figure out another fun "color" day at home.

Elleanor's Newborn Photos

I had planned to take Ella's newborn photos myself, as I had with Evie. It's a huge cost saver for us, plus I enjoy the challenge Although, I am not by any means a newborn photographer. It took me HOURS of working to get the shots that I wanted. I ended up taking three rounds of photos on three seperate days.

The first photo, I had found a similiar style on pinterest. I found the green wrap on Etsy, and a coordinating headband on Etsy as well. The second photo was taken on a whim...I had originally purchased the rose garlands for a different pose altogether. But, when I saw that she was looking around, I snapped the picture. It turned out to be one of my favorites!

Needless to say, I'm happy with how they turned out. And I'm still pinching myself that I'm a mother of two. ;)

Spilled Thoughts

The sun is setting, and I find myself once again marveling at the idea I've survived another day with two under two. I'm still trying to get back into the swing of things, but I wanted to give myself a few weeks of grace before trying to pick up a more regular routine!

Ella is the sweetest, most content baby. She sleeps & eats like a champ! Honestly, I'm surprised at how easy she has been to care for. I'm loving the baby snuggles, and occasionaly find myself shedding tears over the reality that she is HOME, and she is HERE...and my due date is still days away. Hormones are a funny thing. ;)

Evie has adjusted fairly well. She giggles anytime the baby makes noise, and likes to "pat" her on the arm or tummy. The only time we've noticed jealousy, is whenever she needs us, and we've got the baby in our arms. I can't blame her. I just love watching her admire her sister, and I think they will be the best of friends very soon.

The roughest part for us over last few weeks, was last weekend when Evie has the WORST teething episode yet. She's cutting two teeth (one of which is a molar) at once. She typically runs fever, and gets yucky diaper rashes whenever she teeths. Friday, she cried most of the day, so Josh and I just took turns holding her. Broke my heart!!

Tomorrow will be the first time I've had to cook dinner. Our friends & family showered us with meals for 1 1/2 weeks, plus they stocked our fridge. I joked with Josh that it may be hard for me to return to the world of cooking. Ha! I'm kidding. Sort of. ;-)

Other random news: I'm finally caught up on When Calls The Heart again, and I'm not catching up with Downton Abby. I just finished season thre of Downtown, and my goodnesss, what a stinky way to end that season! I may have to send Josh to the store for season 4. Also, I feel the need to start drinking tea in the afternoon. Any brands that you lovely ladies may recommend??

Thank you so much for the congratulations, and well wishes. You blog readers are truly the sweetest friends. I'm thankful.

32 Weeks Bump Update

The last few weeks, I've been savoring the time I have with just Evie & I. While I am very excited for baby sister to be here, there is also that bittersweet note on my heart that things will soon change. I think part of it is that Evie has changed so much these last few weeks. I'm seeing less, and less of a toddler and more of a little girl. She's learning to communicate better, and she has been very snuggly lately (rare...she is a very typical independent first born! ha). 

I've noticed that she will often stare at my belly, and then will walk up and pat it lightly. When she does that, I always tell her (excitedly) that she will be a big sister soon, and how a baby will soon live in this house. Honestly, I have NO IDEA if she really understands. Yet, at the same time, I think she understands that something is changing.

On Monday, I had a scare with really regular/strong contractions. They lasted for hours, and got rather painful. Finally, sometime before midnight they stopped completely. I still felt very anxious the next morning, and was thankful I already had a scheduled doctors appointment. Good news, is that I'm not in pre - term labor, and baby is just sitting very, very low. You see,  with Evie, I didn't feel contractions until I was already a 6, and being admitted to the hospital. So the fact that I felt any just scared me to death. 

It's also motived me to stock our freezer, finish a few little projects for the nursery, and stock up on a few random baby supplies that we will need. So, I'm off to finish tackling my to do lists! 

Bumpdate 30.5 Weeks!

I'm already well into my 30th week of pregnancy! The last few weeks have flown by, as we began preparing for the holiday season with family. Heartburn has really amped up, and I've had a horrible cold for several days. Other than that, the little peanut is measuring right on track!

We finally made some head way with her nursery. We wanted to keep things simple, and budget friendly, so most of the pieces in her room were thrifted. There are a couple of amazing thrift stores in our area, and I was able to score several things that I've been looking for. My mom is making the baby quilt, and I can't wait to see what it will look like all together!

I've stocked up on bottles, newborn jammies, and the crib is set up. The only thing I'm lacking, is a place for baby to rest when she isn't sleeping. When Evie was a newborn I used the pack & play around the clock...but I'm thinking that might no work with a toddler. I can see her trying to pick her up when my back is turned. So either a pack & play or a bassinet is on my list of "to finds" before baby girl arrives.

Oh, and I FINALLY found their first set of matching outfits. They happened to be Carter's brand which was on sale, and I had a coupon. How could I resist? ;)

Happy Tuesday!

Bump Update!

The last two weeks were quite the doozey! I was eating a sub sandwich when I felt crazy intense pain in my back molar. The next morning, I was able to get into the dentist right away. Ended up having an emergency wisdom tooth removal, plus the wisdom tooth had cracked my back molar. Oh, the pain! I was feeling pretty good for a couple of days, then all the sudden the pain came back pretty intensely. I ended up getting dry socket (oh the joy!), which of course led to a migraine. I'm a pretty independent gal, and don't like asking for help, but I confess all that pain led to nausea. My parents happily helped with Evie so I could catch up on rest, which was a huge blessing!! I'm thankful that's behind me. :)

We are crusing along now at 27 1/2 weeks. The time has simply FLOWN by! I seriously cannot wrap my head around it. Ha! We worked on Ella's nursery this weekend, and I found some cute things while out thrifting. My find of the weekend was the cutest vintage dress that I will hang on her wall collage. I also ordered fabric for her baby bed blanket, and was able to pick out a couple other things.

Some of my dearest friends (Anna & Kristina) hosted a diaper shower for me yesterday. I told them to keep it simple, but they surprised me with a pumpkin themed shower! It was adorable, and oh my goodness...such a huge blessing! I came home with enough diapers to open a store! Haha!! ;)

I'm starting to feel that third trimester blah...it slowly crept up on me with Evie's pregnancy. Honestly, this pregnancy has been eerily similiar with timing/feelings/pangs/etc. I'm uncomfortable, starting to gain in my face, and just feel drained a lot. Ahem. But otherwise, doing well.

She will be here before we know it!! <3

We're Having A...

So last week was the "big reveal". It actually took a while for the doctor to get a good look, but we are most definitely having another GIRL!!! Since then, we have painted the nursery, finalized her name, and have a crib being shipped soon. It's starting to feel very "real" to me that we will soon be adding another little one to our home. 

I'm nearly half way finished with this pregnancy...and if she's anything like Evie, then I'm over half way done. Haha! I really wanted to have little details finished and in place before Thanksgiving. I know once the holidays arrive there won't be as much time to prepare....not to mention I'll not be feeling as chipper. 

On Saturday, we went yard selling. It had been a while since I'd had any luck, but had noticed there were quite a few adds featuring baby items, and toddler clothing. We ended up hitting an amazing yard sale. Tons of quality, like new baby clothes. I bought roughly 30 outfits for about $20. Not bad! So baby sister has her own little wardrobe started. I went through a lot of Evie's newborn clothes, and while man outfits will work, I needed to invest in warmer outfits. Evie was born in the dead of summer, while baby sister will be born in the dead of winter. 

Last night, Josh took me to the city next door to take care of a few things. We ended the night sharing a pumpkin spice latte (which was DELICIOUS), and on the way home it started POURING rain. It was insane. When we finally got home we all sat on the back patio and listened to it hitting the tin roof. It felt so good to feel the temperature drop. I think fall is finally making her appearance around here. I went to bed feeling very happy, and thankful for our life. God is very good, and gracious in all the things He has done to remind us of His love.

First Baby Bump Update!

I thought I'd finally get around to posting about this pregnancy. I'm actually 13 weeks now, but this picture was taken at 11 weeks. The one thing that stands out about this pregnancy is that in a lot of my symptoms are very similiar. My nausea happened at night like with my first pregnancy and it lasted about an hour or so. Weeks 4-8 were the worst. The only thing that helped reduce the nausea was lemon water! And I craved lemons my entire pregancy with Evie. ;)

I think the tougher part of this pregnancy is that I gained a few pounds right at first. I think most of this was the fact I didn't do much of anything...the exhaustion really took the wind out of me! That has been the main difference. I don't remember being tired during my first pregnancy at all.

Thanks to my hormones, I am very, very bloated. I pulled out the maternity pants at 10 weeks. I tried the rubber band trick, but I thought it made my pants look funny. Most of my non maternity shirts & skirts still work so that makes me feel better. Haha!

We already picked out names. One night Josh and I sat down with a baby name book and they just clicked. We both loved them right away and decided we were good to go!

I'll have my next ultrasound in about a week. I can't wait to see that little chicken nugget and hear that sweet heartbeat.

Reflections

You'd think I'd have a book to write on all the things I've learned as my first year as a mom.

The one thing that really comes to mind is grace. 

Oh, how He gives grace. Grace on the late nights when you are so tired that walking across the floor hurts. Or how He gives grace when you have a sick baby, and quickly have your fears calmed thanks to those after hour phone lines. Or grace when you snap at your husband because your HORMONES aren't quite back to normal. 

But, also, I've seen God's love for us through our role as parents.

I love her so much it hurts. I would do anything to protect her. 

The amazing thing is that my love for her is just a tiny reflection of God's love for us. Just a tiny drop in the ocean. He's our heavenly Father. He loved us so much He sent His only Son to die for us. 

The cross and resurrection have taken on a whole new level of sacredness to me.

It's a humbling reality of love, redemption, and grace.